Smithereens - Elaine

I have to admit I was surprised to discover I only have one Smithereens 45 featured on the old blog, and one I was certain I'd already posted apparently remains trapped somewhere in the vast archaeological dig that is my record collection. Rather than spend the morning excavating boxes and questioning my own memory, I pulled out a deep album cut from one of their most accessible records.

I remember hearing plenty of Smithereens songs off this LP on Modern Rock radio back in the day, but today's catchy little gem wasn't one of them. Pat DiNizio had a gift for writing songs that sounded like they should have been hits even when they weren't. He could take heartbreak, wrap it in a jangly hook, and make you want to sing along to your own emotional collapse.

In this song he opens with: "I got your letter in the mail the other day. You had to say that you were leaving me."

Well, that line landed a little too close to home.

Back in college I dated a woman, and to make a very long story short, the relationship crashed and burned with enough drama to keep a daytime soap writer employed for several seasons. Fast forward three years later and we somehow reconnect. I was living in Aurora, Colorado, she was in Loveland, and after a few visits and a lot of late night phone calls it seemed possible that maybe life was giving us an unexpected second chance.

Feeling optimistic, I invited her down to Denver to see Robin Hitchcock. Looking back, I probably spent more time planning that evening than I spent planning most major life decisions.

The night arrived. She didn't.

I called. No answer.

I called again. Still nothing.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I received a letter that absolutely shredded me from top to bottom. To say I was blindsided would be understating things by several zip codes.

I wrote back. I honestly don't remember exactly what I said, which is probably for the best. I do remember it wasn't nasty. Somewhere in the letter I wished her a wonderful life, told her I wouldn't bother her again, and then I kept that promise.

At the time it felt awful. Today it feels more like one of those strange plot twists that only make sense in the final chapter. What seemed like rejection was really redirection. A closed door I spent years trying to reopen turned out to be protecting the path I was supposed to take.

Not long afterward I met a wonderful woman, married her, and here we are 31 years later. Meanwhile, that Robin Hitchcock ticket became considerably less important than I thought it was at the time.

So while my old love wasn't named Elaine, I still think of her whenever I hear this song. And I genuinely hope she found peace, left the drama behind, and had a happy life. 

As for me, I've learned that sometimes the most valuable letter you'll ever receive is the one that convinces you to stop waiting for the wrong story to continue and start living the right one instead.